Glyn's Tagline Page

"Entropy requires no maintenance...."

A few of my favourite taglines. Please note, this isn't a canonical collection of taglines, just ones that I personally like.

• #define QUESTION ((bb) || !(bb)) - Shakespeare.
• 10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.
• 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
• A)bort, R)etry, S)elf-destruct?
• A)bort, R)etry, I)nfluence with large hammer?
• A)bort, R)etry, P)anic?
• A bad random number generator: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 4.33e+67, 1, 1, 1
• A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
• A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.
• A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
• A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one dollar item he wants.
  A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item she doesn't want.
  -- William Binger.
• A man with one watch knows what time it is.
  A man with two watches is never sure - Segal's Law
• A man without God is like a fish without a bicycle.
• A program without bugs is obsolete.
• A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.
• After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
• Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.
• All computers wait at the same speed.
• All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific. - Jane Wagner
• All the big women die young, that's why we're left with little old ladies.
• All new: The software is not compatible with previous versions.
• Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
• An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
• And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.
• Any nitwit can understand computers. Many do. - Ted Nelson.
• Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
• Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.
• APATHY ERROR: Don't bother striking any key.
• Are you really sure that a floor can't also be a ceiling? - M. C. Escher
• Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
• Artificial Intelligence: Making computers behave like they do in films.
• As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. - Weisert
• Asking whether machines can think is like asking whether submarines can swim.
• A statement of fact cannot be insolent. - Orac.
• Auntie Em. Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
• BASIC is the Computer Science equivalent of 'Scientific Creationism'.
• Be nice to other people; they outnumber you 5.5 billion to 1.
• Beam me up, Scotty. There's no intelligent life down here.
• Before I was a Discordian, I was afraid of my own shadow. Ah, But now my own shadow is afraid of ME!
• Better dead than Smeg.
• Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers. - Leonard Brandwein
• Beware of the god.
• binary tree (n): see binary tree and binary tree.
• Black Holes were created when God divided by zero.
• Brain fried -- core dumped.
• BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding.
• Bring back the sixties.
• Buggrit. Millennium hand and shrimp. I told 'em!
• Bus error - passengers dumped
• But even though they probably certainly know that you probably wouldn't, they don't certainly know that although you probably wouldn't there's no probability that you certainly would.
  -- Sir Humphrey Appleby on nuclear deterrence.
• Buy a Pentium so you can reboot faster.
• Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
• Careful. We don't want to learn from this. - Calvin
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
• Classified tagline. Please enter password: _
• clone (n): 1. An exact duplicate, eg. "Our product is a clone of their product." 2. A shoddy, spurious copy, eg. "Their product is a clone of our product."
• COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key.
• Common sense is what tells you the world is flat
• Compatible: Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source.
• Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.
• Computers are a more fun way to do the same work you'd have to do without them.
• Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
• Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. - Gilb
• Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. - Pablo Picasso
• Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
• Contentsoftaglinemaysettleduringshipping.
• Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
• Death is a nonmaskable interrupt.
• Did anyone see my lost carrier?
• Disclaimer: Any errors in spelling, tact, or fact are transmission errors
• Do not be angry with me if I tell you the truth. - Socrates
  Tell the Truth and run. - Yugoslav proverb
• Doctor: I'm afraid you're suffering from Alice.
  Patient: Whats's that?
  Doctor: We don't really know, but Christopher Robin went down with it.
• Does old mail ever arrive?
• Don't be humble. You're not that great.
• Dreams are free, but you get soaked on the connect time.
• Drun'? 'm not drun'! You wouldn' dare call m' drun' if I was sober!
• Earth is 98% full... please delete anyone you can.
• Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery.
• Entropy isn't what it used to be.
• Entropy requires no maintenance.
• Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
• Every program in development at MIT expands until it can read mail.
• Every string with one end also has another end. - Fingle's First Fundamental Finding.
• Everybody I know who is right always agrees with me. - Rev. Lady Mal.
• Everything should be made as simple as possible but not simpler. - A. Einstein
• Everywhere we look, stars and galaxies are moving away from us at great speed. Current theory puts this down to the universe expanding. It is also possible that they simply want to get away from us...
• f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
• Faith is good, but scepticism is better - Giuseppe Verdi
• Falls don't kill people. It's the deceleration trauma.
• Fish
• Foolproof operation: All parameters are hard coded.
• Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
• Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
• God is real, unless declared integer.
• God made machine language; all the rest is the work of man.
• Good dreams of bad things. - Jeff Noon, Vurt
• grep..grep..grep... (Frog with UNIX stuck in its throat)
• Hackers have kernel knowledge.
• Half of the people in the world are below average.
• Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
• Hardware - The part of a computer system that can be kicked.
• Heavy, adj: Seduced by the chocolate side of the Force.
• Help! I'm trapped in a Chinese computer factory!
• Hey Rocky! Watch me pull Cthulhu out of my hat!
• Hey Rocky! Watch me pull a tagline out of my hat!
• Hit any user to continue.
• Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defence.
• How do I set my laser printer on stun?
• I am a computer - dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.
• I am not a free man... but I'm reasonable!.
• I am still waiting for the advent of the computer science groupie.
• I am the computer your mother warned you about.
• I believe in Women's suffrage. Women may suffer as much as they want. - Eric Wincentsen.
• I bet the human brain is a kludge. - Marvin Minsky.
• I do my best to be just who I am, but everyone else wants me to be just like them.
• I do not mind lying, but I hate inaccuracy. - Samuel Butler
• I don't know who you are, but boarding this vessel is an act of war. Ergo, we surrender. - Rimmer, Red Dwarf
• I Brake For Hallucinations
• I don't mind being in touch with reality, just so long as I don't have to live there.
• I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
• I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
• I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere.
• I know a computer when I talk to one! - The Doctor
• I know a good tagline when I steal one.
• I only drink when I'm depressed. Of course, I get depressed if I haven't had enough to drink....
• I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
• I say we nuke the site from orbit, it's the only way to be sure.
• I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
• I won't rise to the occaasion, but I'll slide over to it.
• I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
• I'll carry your books, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash & carry, Carry me back to old Virginia, I'll even Hara Kari if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun. - Hawkeye, M*A*S*H.
• I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
• I'm not deaf. I'm ignoring you.
• I'm not expendable, I'm not stupid, and I'm not going! - Avon
• I'm oxymoronic even when I'm not.
• I've always been crazy, but it's kept me from going insane.
• Ia! Ia! N'ghaa, n'n'ghai-ghai! Ia! Ia! N'ghai, n-yah, n-yah, shoggog, pthaghn! Ia! Ia! Y-hah, y-nyah, y-nyah! N'ghaa, n'n'ghai, waf'l pthaghn -- Yog-Sothoth! Yog-Sothoth!
• If God had intended Man to program, we would have been born with serial I/O ports.
• If it was easy, the hardware people would take care of it.
• If only you knew the things I have seen in the darkness of night. - M. C. Escher
• If you have not lived through something, it is not true. - Kabir
• If you're going to save the world, there's only one way to do it - wearing black and riding a Harley Davidson.
• If you're one in a million, there are 4,000 people out there just like you.
• If voting could change the system it would be against the law.
• In /dev/null no one can hear you scream.
• In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. - Carl Sagan, Cosmos
• In the land of the night, the ship of the sun
  Is drawn by the grateful dead.
• It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious
• It is now pitch dark. If you proceed, you will likely fall into a pit.
• It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
• Just say "NoNoNoNoNoNooooo-ARGHHHhhhh..." to Cthulhu.
• Keep Britain green - have sex with a frog.
• Keep London tidy - shoot a pigeon.
• Let me control a planet's oxygen supply and I don't care who makes the laws - Great Cthulhu's Starry Wisdom Band
• Life is one long process of getting tired. - Samuel Butler
• Life is too important to be taken seriously.
• Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.
• Long computations that yield zero are probably all for naught.
• Long live the ideals of Marxism-Lennonism! May the thoughts of Groucho and John guide us in word, thought, and deed!
• Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
• Luck? My middle name is Luck. My first name, of course, is Bad....
• Machine-independent: Does not run on any existing machine.
• Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
• Making it up? Why should I want to make anthing up? Life's bad enough without wanting to invent any more of it.
• Managing programmers is like herding cats.
• Mandy came out of the all-night Vurt-U-Want, clutching a bag of goodies. - Jeff Noon, Vurt
• Many people would rather die than think; in fact, most do. - Bertrand Russell
• Meets quality standards: Compiles without errors.
• Music was invented to confim human loneliness. - Lawrence Durrell
• "My name is Inigo Montoya. You stole my tagline. Prepare to die."
• My dog understands perfectly everything I say to him. I am the one who does not understand. - Furbish Lousewart
• My own opinion is that belief is the end of intelligence. - Robert Anton Wilson
• My philosophy, like colour TV, is all there in black and white.
• My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
• Never trust a computer you can't throw out the window. - S. Hunt
• Ni!
• The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time.
  The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time.
• No program done by a hacker will work unless they are on the system.
• No program done by an undergrad will work after they graduates.
• Now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!
• Now we've got them just where they want us! - Admiral James Tiberius Kirk
• Of course I'm crazy, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong. I'm mad, but not ill. - Robert Anton Wilson, Werewolf Bridge
• Oh, so you're defending yourself, you coward! - Peter Lorre
• One man's constant is another man's variable. - Perlis
• One man's error is another man's data.
• One picture is worth 128K words.
• Only those who attempt the absurd can achieve the impossible.
• Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it is too dark to read.
• Overflow on /dev/null; please empty the bit bucket.
• Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
• Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
• Please note: Easter will be cancelled this year - they've found the body.
• Please note: Christmas will be cancelled this year - they've found the father.
• Power corrupts; absolute power is even more fun.
• Preserve Nature... Pickle a squirrel.
• Press <CTRL>-<ALT>-<DEL> to continue ...
• Press any key to continue, or any other key to quit.
• Printed on 100% recyclable phosphor.
• Protect your software at all costs; all else is meat.
• Q. If a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears, does it make a sound?
  A. I didn't fall, I was pushed.
• Quote of the Day:'
• Real programs don't eat cache.
• Real life isn't like this.
• Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle science fiction.
• Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. - Philip K. Dick
• Reality (n.): Where the pizza dude comes from.
• REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/A)
• Religion is a magic device for turning unanswerable questions into unquestionable answers. - Art Gecko, Bung Bliss-1, 128649
• Sacred cows make great hamburgers.
• Save energy: Drive a smaller shell.
• Save the whales, collect the whole set.
• Second Coming Still Vaporware After 2,000 Years.
• Sex appeal - please give generously.
• Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
• Sex, Drugs, Rock 'n' Role-Playing.
• Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!
• SHL! SHR! POP AX! PUSH AX! DB! DB! DB!
• Since then I have given up anarchy. Too many rules - hating the government and all that stuff. - G.H. Hill.
• Sleep is a poor substitute for caffeine.
• Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast.
• Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
• Supercomputer: Turns CPU-bound problem into I/O-bound problem.
• System going down at 1:45 for disk crashing.
• System going down at 5 pm to install scheduler bug.
• Tagline void where prohibited by moderator.
• Take what thou hast and give it to the poor. - Attributed to some longhair commie freak.
• Terminal glare: A look that kills...
• The attention span of a computer is only as long as its power cord.
• The best way to accelerate a Mac is at 9.8 m / sec^2
• The Borg assimilated my race and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.
• The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.
• The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
• The determined programmer can write a FORTRAN program in any language.
• The Elder Gods went to Betelgeuse and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.
• The Elder Gods went to Suggoth and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.
• The English make the best lovers. The Japanese make them smaller and cheaper.
• The following statement is true. The previous statement was false.
• The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
• The Great Old Ones went to R'lyeh and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.
• The lord is a shepherd.
• The only thing wrong with doing nothing is that you never know when you've finished.
• The poetry of heroism appeals irresistibly to those who don't go to a war, and even more so to those whom the war is making enormously wealthy. -- Celine.
• The program is absolutely right; therefore, the computer must be wrong.
• The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.
• The steady state of disks is full. - Ken Thompson
• The two most common things in the Universe are hydrogen and stupidity. - Harlan Ellison
• The world will end in 5 minutes. Please log out.
• There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
• There are three kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
• There is intelligent life on Earth, but I'm just visiting.
• There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
• This sig file is umop apisdn
• This tagline has been cruelly tested on cute furry animals.
• This tagline is identical to the one you are reading.
• They're unfriendly, which is fortunate, really. They'd be difficult to like -- Avon.
• Three out of five people aren't the other two.
• Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
• Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its students.
• Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
• To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
• To hell with the Prime Directive; let's kill something!
• Today's subliminal thought is:
• Top of the world, Ma!
• Totally feathered up, living on the dub side. - Jeff Noon, Vurt
• Typical workman, he promised to plane my door today, but now he's gadding off to Jerusalem on a donkey.
• Ultimate office automation: networked Coke machines.
• Unilateral withdrawal is the answer to the population problem.
• Use the Source, Luke!
• USER ERROR: replace user and press any key to continue.
• Vote anarchist
• Vote Cthulhu - why settle for the lesser evil?
• Wanted, dead or alive : Schrodinger's cat.
• We do not demand rights, we just take liberties.
• We're all out there, somewhere, waiting to happen. - Jeff Noon, Vurt
• "What are we going to do?"
  "Me, I'm examining the major Western religions. I'm looking for something that's soft on morality, generous with holidays, and has a short initiation period."
• What if they gave a war and nobody came?
• What's stiff and excites women? Elvis Presley.
• - When the revolution comes we'll all drive Rolls Royces.
  - What if we don't want to drive Rolls Royces?
  - When the revolution comes you won't have any choice.
• Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
• Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users?
• Women should be obscene and not heard.
• Womens libbers should be put behind bras.
• WWII was going fine until the Americans asked if THEY could join in, and the whole thing turned into a free-for-all. - Beyond the Fringe.
• You are Gorge Dorn.
• You are not thinking. You are merely being logical. - Neils Bohr to Albert Einstein
• You can't frighten me, I'm a coward, I'm always scared.
• You never finish a program, you just stop working on it.
• You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without hanging on.
• Your email has been returned due to insufficient voltage.
• "You speak treason!" "Fluently!" - The Doctor (and others).
• Your theory is crazy, but it's not crazy enough to be true. - Neils Bohr

Current score - 297 taglines.

Even more taglines:

Cat taglines

Finally, some famous last words:

• "This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." - Western Union internal memo, 1876.
• "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." - Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943.
• "Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." - Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949.
• "But what ... is it good for?" - Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
• "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." - Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977.
• "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981.