Parting Shots

Ok, by this time some people may be under the impression I have something against women. This is completely untrue. I know lots of women. Some of my best friends are.... err.... well, I know lots of women.

Anyway, against the possibility that there may actually be women out there reading this, the following short questionnaire has been stolen from someone else's page, shortened, edited, converted to HTML and generally bastardised and presented here. Please answer each question as honestly as possible and forward the completed questionnaire to glyng@pavilion.co.uk together with two references, a current picture, and a blood sample and I'll get back to you. Maybe.

  1. A woman's place is in the:
    1. Bedroom
    2. Home
    3. Office
    4. In a deep dark cellar plotting to cut a man's entrails out and leave it as food for wild jackals

  2. When singing in the shower, I will most likely sing:
    1. "I Touch Myself"
    2. "Material Girl"
    3. "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park"
    4. Theme from "Psycho"

  3. The perfect Christmas gift is:
    1. Flowers, a back rub, bubble bath, and a hand-written love sonnet
    2. Expensive perfume or intimate evening wear
    3. Six-pack of Bud, Domino's Pizza, and an evening of QVC
    4. Whips, knives and red-hot irons

  4. A woman's hairstyle should:
    1. Gently accentuate her best features
    2. Not resemble a poodle
    3. Hide the lobotomy scars
    4. Cover the little "666" on the back of the skull and not reveal the demon-horns

  5. My personal role-model is:
    1. Hillary Clinton
    2. Ruth Bader-Ginsberg
    3. Daisy Duke
    4. Lorena Bobbit

  6. If you man wants to date me, he must also like my:
    1. Family
    2. Furniture
    3. Pet rock
    4. Therapist

  7. My list of favourite authors include:
    1. William Shakespeare
    2. Maya Angelou
    3. Chairman Mao
    4. Marquis DeSade

  8. A romantic evening is best spent:
    1. Before a roaring fire
    2. Having a candle-lit dinner
    3. Country line dancing
    4. Shopping

  9. I want to date:
    1. An engineer
    2. A lawyer
    3. Anyone who owns a shoe shop
    4. The Miami Dolphins football team

  10. If you were really depressed, I would:
    1. Listen to your problems
    2. Rub your back
    3. Get you drunk
    4. Laugh

  11. A man should know where I keep my:
    1. Erogenous zones
    2. House keys
    3. Ear-wax remover
    4. Guns

  12. If a man was to propose to me, I would:
    1. Cry
    2. Call my mother
    3. Giggle uncontrollably
    4. Be pregnant

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